Well douche your snatch and let's go!
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
