oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
