they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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