The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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