i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
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How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
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I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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