Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
