You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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