Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
My bed is full of blood and feathers
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
