Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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