We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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