Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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