You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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