i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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