Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Randomize
