last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
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Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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