DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
