Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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