Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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