I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
