It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
