Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
