my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
