Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
