You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
