1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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