we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
