soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
