Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
That accounts for only three of the penises
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize
