Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
