Farmville is her only friend.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
