I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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