Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize
