So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
