i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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