please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
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