how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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