i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Randomize
