I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
