just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize