My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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