Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
