Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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