Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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