batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Two words: nipple clamps
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