On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
