I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
