all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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