Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
