Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.