from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
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you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
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HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.