Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
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She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
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She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.