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mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Randomize
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