Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
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I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
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The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?