I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
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Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
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Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
You just missed an honest to god bukkake