bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
