You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
