remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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