TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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