Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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