i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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