My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
