Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Randomize
