Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
is that a dick in a sweater?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
