I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
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They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
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When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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