you traded sex for a burrito?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
